I really missed having my wife around when she traveled to Mexico recently with our churches mission team. She was gone for 10 days. I was lonely! With the kids grown and gone, we already feel like our home is so much quieter these days. But with Kahori gone, too, it was disastrously void of life. So I went to work keeping myself busy. I worked in the yard. I cleaned the house. I organized the closet. It was nice in a way, to have total control of my surroundings. (The house stays much cleaner when you're the only one to blame for the mess.)
But it was a lonely, clean house.
The only good thing about her absence was that I was reminded of some very important realities. First, I was reminded of how important my wife is in my life. By God's design, she fulfills me and meets my needs, as I do hers. She is "the rest of me." Without her I am not fully me. We are one, in Christ. So, as the days of separation wore on, the words in my texts to her became deeper and richer in meaning... because my realization of her goodness became deeper and richer. (Absence does make the heart grow fonder!)
Secondly, I now have a greater appreciation for the effect my absences might have upon her. Usually it's me leaving her alone when I travel. Now, I am much more concerned for the future times that I will be gone... leaving her at home in a lonely space. Maybe this will help me find ways to help her through those times, and give me better words to say when I'm gone.
Another, even greater, reality that I contemplated through and since her absence has been my utter dependence on our loving Lord. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1). When people aren't around or people fail me, God is always there. God is my first and greatest companion. He is my all in all. "I will always be with you" (Joshua 1:5) God says hundreds of times in the Bible. I love the words of Psalm 68:5-6... "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing..." This is good news for everyone.
I'm not the only one who gets lonely!
There are countless numbers of lonely people in our culture. People sitting alone in their homes, widows, divorcees, singles, kids whose parents are too busy, teenagers that don't seem to fit into the social circles at school, forgotten elderly in assisted care homes, discouraged spouses who are lonely within the broken confines of their marriages.
There is loneliness everywhere; oftentimes hidden, oftentimes masked. America values independence, but one great unintended consequence of our freedom-loving, rights-based, independent culture is desperate loneliness.
When Psalm 68:6 says, as mentioned above, that "God sets the lonely in families," I fear that people may think that's a false promise. Those who don't have family around... or those whose family members aren't always filled with love. Where is God in the midst of MY loneliness?, they may wonder. That's an understandable question. But it also has an answer.
God has purposed to put us into spiritual families. The Apostle Paul wrote to a group of people who had faith in God in the book of Ephesians in the Bible. He said, "You are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household..." He was reminding them that within their local gathering of believers, there is place and belonging. God's local expressions of His church are very important. When God says that He will put the lonely into families, it's not always our blood relatives. Sometimes it's our church family... our spiritual family.
Did you ever wonder when you were sitting in church on Sunday, "Who here is lonely?" Or maybe, "Who here is lonely like I am?" There is nothing to be ashamed of when you are lonely. Everyone is lonely at some point. This broken, sinful world frequently causes loneliness.
But, the adult, mature thing to do when you are lonely is admit it to yourself, admit it to God and then begin to do something about it. And the best thing you can do is accept God's offer of a spiritual family and go be with a group of people at a church. Will those people be perfect? No. Will they immediately fill your need for companionship and friendship? It may take a little while. But at our church we work hard at helping people fit in and find a place of belonging and friendship and purpose.
I believe God cares deeply about us and knows our intimate needs for love and companionship. In fact, He has given Himself to this world to show us how much He loves us (John 3:16). Jesus even said, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." (Revelation 3:20)
I'm so glad God loves me through my loneliness when others aren't around. AND, I'm so glad my church family is God's haven of loving friendship for me in this broken world.
